If you have read my blog, you know that this past year or so has been not easy. I was diagnosed with cancer and then my world began to fall apart. I could not work, I lost my breasts, my hair, my husband….it was as I said not easy. The husband, I can do without. The hair, it is growing back. The breasts are being reconstructed but the job is a little more difficult. I am an award documentary filmmaker. You would think this would be enough to get me work, however this is a fickle business. I have been out of the loop for too long. I cannot stop making films. I am committed to telling other peoples stories to make a change in the world. So…instead of giving up and crawling into a corner to sulk, I decided to make my own work. I , along with my very talented son, have launched an Indigogo campaign to raise money to make a very important documentary. I am asking anyone who is reading my blog to share the link, donate and encourage others to do so. We are a community. Everything we do to help someone helps us. Here is the link and just let me say in advance, thank you so much.
Have you ever stopped to listen to the sounds as you pour your first cup of coffee in the morning. The musical splash as the hot liquid hits the bottom of the eager cup. The subdued moan as the cold cream mingles with the aromatic brew. The slight melting sound as when the sugar tumbles to the centre and then the rhythmic dance of the spoon when you mix the three ingredients into that perfect concoction that beckons you with its coquettish swirl. Ahhh coffee. Even on the days where I have no job to go to, this first cup of coffee offers me the hope that today may be the day. Today will be the day that my cell phone rings. Today will be the day that my “now” becomes filled with schedules and deadlines.
I walk from the kitchen to the living room carefully cradling my perfect cup of coffee, ready to find my new perfect opportunity. As I am about to settle in for my first sip I hear the familiar sound of toenails on the hardwood floor, coming at my a little too eagerly.
Next moment. I am wearing my perfect coffee. My first instinct is annoyance but then I look into those huge brown eyes and as always Kompa makes me laugh.
My life up until this bout of not working, has been really busy and exciting. As a documentary filmmaker I have been all over the world. It is difficult now to find myself almost housebound. I have the itch to travel but while I was employed, I gave away most of my money. The earthquake in Haiti affected me profoundly. My husband was in the quake and so were so many friends. That year ate up all of my savings. I had no choice. I had been filming in Haiti just 3 days before the earthquake. I owed the country and it’s citizens. They had made me feel at home and now it was my turn to help them get their home back. All of this leads me to the irony of my present situation. I have flashes these day of me losing my home if the situation continues much longer. You see what I mean. Irony. Anyway I am trying everything I can. I am trying to raise money in a crowd funding campaign, but it is not going well but I continue to try. There will no one smoking crack in this film but it is still worthwhile.
If you are from Canada you will understand that comment. If not just google Toronto Mayor smokes crack. Well at least I am better off than our crack smoking mayor.
I seem to be rambling today I am not 100% sure why but, we all have our days, don’t we. All of us except it seems my lovely Kompa. He has found a stuffed Popeye figure and he carries it around everywhere. When he gives it to me, I make the figure talk to Kompa and he goes nuts. So what is my point. Hmmmm. Let’s see. I gave away all my money, I am unemployed, the mayor of my city smokes crack but Kompa makes me laugh.
So…Did I send the email? The email that purged my soul? No I did not. But I saved it, so maybe one evening in vodka induced abandon I will press the send button. For now the knowledge of it waiting in the armoury to quell the enemy, soothes my troubled mind.
Today I have decided to structure my day as if I do have a place of employment to go to. I am sipping my morning coffee, dressed and ready to conquer the day. I have turned up the ringer on my phone so that it is now loud enough to hear it ring from a block away and I am poised and ready to answer any and all calls.
Today has to be the day of change. I feel it in my bones. My new future is rushing to meet me with arms flung open and the face of a long missed love. I am ready for your embrace. Absence has made the heart grow fonder. I no longer wish for the day we will be apart. I want to spend every waking moment with you. Come to me my love, my hope, my future, my new job.
I hear the sound of approaching joy. Running towards me. I close my eyes to imagine the elation I will feel when we connect. I feel a presence. I open my eyes and there it is. A big pink tongue ready to lick my face. Ahhh Kompa. You can always make me laugh.