Narcissistic.It rolls off the tongue like fairy dust. Crystal blue pools of reflection. Beauty. It should be beautiful. Should be shimmering. Narcissist. a cyst. A tumour that grows from the root of the root. Spilling diamond words that shred the listening. Narcissist. The cyst that destroys. The cysts that insists. That takes the light to feed its own reflection. It takes the shine It eats the good. It tears away the soul of kindness. A tumour so dark the listener fades. Diamond words cut and entice. Narcissistic enticement. Dancing in the shadows. Stealing the glimmer. Pulling the flowers to the root of the root. Reflections of nothing real reflecting the dark. A shadow that appears light. Close your ears Close your eyes. Don’t let the tumour grow. Cut it out. Take the cyst and throw it in the pool of light. Steal the shadow. me and my shadow. My shadow now in the light. The shadow gone. The cyst growing in someone else. Cut it away. The narcissistic tumour. Narcissist. Sounds like fairy dust Ashes to ashes dust to root. Pull the root. sprinkle the ashes. Narcissist. Steal the reflection. Take the power. Let them gaze alone.Ripple the pool break the spell. Narcissist
Words. I am finding salvation in words. Words . Lie. cheat, leave, blame, cancer. Hiding from words in words. Words that describe but do not define. Words thrown like knives. Knives that pierce the heart. Pionted words slithering from sharp tongues. but the words that flow from fingertips soothe. Like a a divine hand . Divine words reaching out. Words touching the wounds that gape. Wounds blasted by the black talon words. Words that exploded on contact. Collateral damage is high. Damaged but not destroyed. Words of love that hid the truth. Homemade explosives charged with words. the fuse was lit. Collateral damage is extensive. Extending a hand to help. A hand meant to heal A hand armed with tenderness. The hand that was bitten. Biting the hand that feeds. The lifeblood flowing. The lifeblood spilled and splattered by the explosion of words. The roar in the ears the deafening silence as the words ripped through the flesh. The words painted the scene. The scene that plays when eyes are closed. Change the words. Change the words. Change the words. Leave behind the lies. Don’t accept the blame. Fight the cancer. Leave the cheater. Slam the door on words that drain the lifeblood. Cut out the tongue that form the words. Find the new words dancing from fingers. Fingers that pause before they find their rhythm. Words that heal. Heal the gaping wound left by combustible words. Combusting. Spontaneous combustion of the heart. Pieces fly. Pieces land. Time to pick up the pieces and sew them together with new words. Open the dictionary. Find the letters. Find the flow of life. Move your lips. Form the words. The new words. The words of my salvation.
Pop Pop went the champagne at the decision to marry. Pop pop. a joyful sound heralding new love pop pop. Uncorking a new life. Uncorking a promise of fidelity. Pop pop. Cheers and hugs followed. Heartfelt hugs hugs so tight you could hardly breathe . A new horizon. A new journey. Pop pop. The backfire of the vehicle carrying your love. Pop pop. A sound heard in the night by unseen ears Pop pop. The sound of the cherries of his new conquests as they lay in your bed. Pop pop. The blood of your life flowing for all to see, pop pop. the end is near. pop pop as your heart explodes in your chest with a deafening thunder. Pop pop the crack of thunder as the lightening splits your life. The separation of time pop pop. Pop pop is all it will take. A simple pop pop to rid the world of a cancer that is eating you alive. Pop pop. The alarm sounds. The new day has begun. Pop pop as you push the snooze button even as the cold reality unmercifully rips the sleep from your body. Pop pop. Time is your friend. Push that button. close your eyes. Lie in wait. pull the trigger on your new life. Pop pop.
How to begin again. where is the start. at the heart ? In the brain? The brain that has been drained of all trust. The heart that has been shattered with icy words and tangled meanings. double meanings. unclear truths. Do unclear truths become lies. Lying in a bed of lies Lying in a queensize bed made larger for lack of a king. A bed made kingsize. Kingsized lies. Kingsized pain. No king in the kingdom just traces of dust. discarded skin. Skin that flailed and lay beside me. Skin that was shed to reveal a snake. A snake that eats his prey whole with no regard for pain. A snake that has no beginning. Where to begin again . Where to start? In the brain or in the heart?
Endings are harsh. They are not new beginnings they are ends. Ended. Rear ended. I feel as though I have been rear ended with this ending. A sudden blow coming out of nowhere. Jolting me. Shocking me. Leaving my nerve endings oozing with pain.Rear ended by a rear end. An ass. A rear end rear ended me. The slap of the ending stinging my face as tears fall to the end of nothing. Tears that roll and end at the edge of my heart. My heart that has been rear ended. The end dangles with uncertainty. The ends all tangled up in what once was and what never was. An end to something that had barely begun. Rear ended. Sitting tied down by the pain. Sitting listening for an end to the end.