I love you but.. i’m sorry but. The apology lies flailing. But the big butts of life, use the but. The but to push the buttons. The buttons that zap The buttons that shock. The but of the buttons used by the butts. Butter me up and tear me down with a but. A three letter word. Three letters with the strength to topple, to tumble to destroy. I love big Butts and I cannot lie. Lie . Lie with your your but. Your new bed of buts. May the pillow cradle your head. Sing you to sleep but. But what. The butt of a joke told by a but of buts. The butter melts. The butter rams the heart. Breaks the silence. Shatters the kind. The heart exploding from too much butter. Saccharine smiles. Sweet sticky toffee oozing with butter. Sweet to the tongue. Acid to the soul. Push the buttons. Start your engine. Off button On button. But But But. I love you but. Im sorry but. But to blame is a short slide in a pool of butter. Slippery floors . Watch your. step. Step on a crack break the back. The back of the truth. The backbone of love. tTrying to see through a smear of butter. Churning. Churning. Turning. Turning lies to truth with push of the button. The button. The butter the but of the butt.
Words. I am finding salvation in words. Words . Lie. cheat, leave, blame, cancer. Hiding from words in words. Words that describe but do not define. Words thrown like knives. Knives that pierce the heart. Pionted words slithering from sharp tongues. but the words that flow from fingertips soothe. Like a a divine hand . Divine words reaching out. Words touching the wounds that gape. Wounds blasted by the black talon words. Words that exploded on contact. Collateral damage is high. Damaged but not destroyed. Words of love that hid the truth. Homemade explosives charged with words. the fuse was lit. Collateral damage is extensive. Extending a hand to help. A hand meant to heal A hand armed with tenderness. The hand that was bitten. Biting the hand that feeds. The lifeblood flowing. The lifeblood spilled and splattered by the explosion of words. The roar in the ears the deafening silence as the words ripped through the flesh. The words painted the scene. The scene that plays when eyes are closed. Change the words. Change the words. Change the words. Leave behind the lies. Don’t accept the blame. Fight the cancer. Leave the cheater. Slam the door on words that drain the lifeblood. Cut out the tongue that form the words. Find the new words dancing from fingers. Fingers that pause before they find their rhythm. Words that heal. Heal the gaping wound left by combustible words. Combusting. Spontaneous combustion of the heart. Pieces fly. Pieces land. Time to pick up the pieces and sew them together with new words. Open the dictionary. Find the letters. Find the flow of life. Move your lips. Form the words. The new words. The words of my salvation.
Overweight with grief. Over. Overflowing. Time to Overhaul. Kick the garbage to the curb. Curb the appetite for pain. Kick it over the line. The line that was drawn and quartered to torture and put under. Put under by saying over. Overheard . Overheard it’s over. Trying to keep the over under wraps. Trying to rollover . Turn over a new leaf. The seasons are changing. The falling of leaves. Where is my new leaf. Did I miss it as it it tumbled by, tumbling past falling over newly built walls. An over caused under the covers. Left trying to recover. Spreading the word. He’s spreading her legs. Climbing over me to get her. Move her under with familiar words. Over used, overheard pillow talk. Passed over. Overfed with meaningless words.Pigs regurgitating over used words. Overfed with lies. Overweight with grief. Overcome. He spread her legs. Spread the word. Over, over. Over and out.
Pop Pop went the champagne at the decision to marry. Pop pop. a joyful sound heralding new love pop pop. Uncorking a new life. Uncorking a promise of fidelity. Pop pop. Cheers and hugs followed. Heartfelt hugs hugs so tight you could hardly breathe . A new horizon. A new journey. Pop pop. The backfire of the vehicle carrying your love. Pop pop. A sound heard in the night by unseen ears Pop pop. The sound of the cherries of his new conquests as they lay in your bed. Pop pop. The blood of your life flowing for all to see, pop pop. the end is near. pop pop as your heart explodes in your chest with a deafening thunder. Pop pop the crack of thunder as the lightening splits your life. The separation of time pop pop. Pop pop is all it will take. A simple pop pop to rid the world of a cancer that is eating you alive. Pop pop. The alarm sounds. The new day has begun. Pop pop as you push the snooze button even as the cold reality unmercifully rips the sleep from your body. Pop pop. Time is your friend. Push that button. close your eyes. Lie in wait. pull the trigger on your new life. Pop pop.
How to begin again. where is the start. at the heart ? In the brain? The brain that has been drained of all trust. The heart that has been shattered with icy words and tangled meanings. double meanings. unclear truths. Do unclear truths become lies. Lying in a bed of lies Lying in a queensize bed made larger for lack of a king. A bed made kingsize. Kingsized lies. Kingsized pain. No king in the kingdom just traces of dust. discarded skin. Skin that flailed and lay beside me. Skin that was shed to reveal a snake. A snake that eats his prey whole with no regard for pain. A snake that has no beginning. Where to begin again . Where to start? In the brain or in the heart?