If you have read my blog, you know that this past year or so has been not easy. I was diagnosed with cancer and then my world began to fall apart. I could not work, I lost my breasts, my hair, my husband….it was as I said not easy. The husband, I can do without. The hair, it is growing back. The breasts are being reconstructed but the job is a little more difficult. I am an award documentary filmmaker. You would think this would be enough to get me work, however this is a fickle business. I have been out of the loop for too long. I cannot stop making films. I am committed to telling other peoples stories to make a change in the world. So…instead of giving up and crawling into a corner to sulk, I decided to make my own work. I , along with my very talented son, have launched an Indigogo campaign to raise money to make a very important documentary. I am asking anyone who is reading my blog to share the link, donate and encourage others to do so. We are a community. Everything we do to help someone helps us. Here is the link and just let me say in advance, thank you so much.
Many things have changed since I began my new status as unemployed.Most are ones you would expect but one of the changes I did not anticipate is apparent this weekend. It is the first long weekend of the summer season. How does a person who is unemployed react to a long weekend. Is not life just one long weekend now. How do I distinguish this weekend from every other day? Funnily enough, I still feel the rush at the thought of no work today. Maybe that is the beauty of the long weekend. For this one Monday, I can forget the stresses of unemployment and take a holiday from the feelings of loss and disorientation. So I will embrace the day. Kompa is sitting with his ball in his mouth, waiting to play, the sun is shining and for one day the working world is on hold. I will take the opportunity today to turn off my silent cellphone, to throw the ball for Kompa, and remember that even when the weight of the world sits on my shoulders, there is always those moments when you just have to play.
I joined the ranks of the unemployed about 3 months ago. This new status came on the heels of the news of one my best accomplishments. My film had won an award. I was now an award winning director. Life’s possibilities seem endless and just hanging on the lowest branch, ripe and ready for me to pick. And then with one swing of an unforgiving ax, the tree was gone. I thought to myself I can plant a new a tree, after all I am an award winning director. I have a chance for a new adventure, but everyday that passes without my phone ringing, I find a little bit of my identity slipping away. Who am I if I am not a director. And am I a director if I am not directing? I wrestle with the doubt that threatens to pin me down, and then right when the count begins, Kompa crawls up onto my lap and licks my face. The world cannot be that bad when there is a giant dog who thinks he is a the size of a chihuahua sitting on my lap licking my face and loving me.